Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wouldn't it be lovely?

Today has been a really stinky day, so by mid-afternoon the seed of a thought started taking root.

Wouldn't it be lovely to drop out of sight for a while? To give up all the meetings and the rehearsals? To suddenly fall into that "perfect" job, at least for a little while -- you know the one that pays you what you're worth, makes you feel as though you're really respected as a productive human being? The one where effort is rewarded and initiative is applauded instead of ignored?

The rut is getting deep and I look around and find many of my fellow rut-walkers are absent. The excuses are thick -- spring break; obligations with children; illnesses; overscheduled. I need to drop out for a while too, because I'm so very tired of walking in this rut alone.

It was a bad day. I can't say much more about it.

I'm tired. I'm going to go punch my pillow and crash. Tomorrow's another day.

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FrenziedFeline said...

Been there, done that, girlfriend.

Make a concerted effort to take some time just for you today. :)

jeannie diane said...

I know that place. I wrote about
in 8th grade. My place is in a
field of flowers with a pink and
purple pokadotted elephant.(don't
ask I really do not know what it
is supposed to represent.)
But it was were I went I was over
Now I think a good punching bag
hanging from a strong tree limb
would be really nice.
Hang in there. This to will pass.

Trixie said...

At least you can name your demon: RUT. I was banging my head on the wall for so long without being able to really identify while I felt the way I did. Why everyone else went home at 5PM and was still plugging away...Why my standards seemed higher than anyone else's... It sucked away at my inner most self and left we all dried up. Now I am re-experiencing life on my own terms. I QUIT that life and am starting a new one. Just in time for Spring I might add.

Spring affects us all differently. For me, I just want to sleep for days on end. The weather lulls me to bed and I just can't wake up. I want to read all day and just BE. It's not quite Spring yet but I can feel the emotional pull. This coming on top of leaving a stressful job. Seems I need this Spring more than I have needed any other Spring before.

So take advantage of the excuses that Spring offers and take time for yourself. Get off the tredmill and just BE for a while. Pamper yourself. Let the cleaning go for awhile unless that's a calming thing for you to do. Just BE. Re-energize. Re-focus.

Trixie said...

Thanks so much, Trixie -- you know so well that you're in a different transition as you await the addition of a child to your family so I am so happy for you taking this time to BE.

I did take a major step out of my life three years ago (nearly 3 1/2 now). I quit my job of 15+ years after major family losses and a difficult change of position. I couldn't deal with being the lone survivor in my family, having to deal with the estates of three relatives who died within two years. Too much property to sell, too much crap to deal with to have the strength to deal with the work stuff on top of it.

Now, the fact that I quit a job makes my current situation more difficult. Makes me want to scream. But I think you are so right about the need to BE.

Maybe this would be a good time for me to repost an essay I wrote about my brother, as a reminder to myself.