Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Pressure cooker week

This is a hard week. I hate this week, so far.

There are a lot of demands, a lot of expectations, and so far not one "plus" that I can put in my own column in return. Well, not that I'm seeing at the moment. Don't anyone try cajoling me right now, OK? I just want to steam for a bit.

My emotions are all nebulous and ill-defined at the moment. There's a good portion of stress, mixed with a generous splash of depression, expanded with several handsful of anger. All that's been baked into a cake that's frosted with disrespect and anxiety. If you light the candle on top, be ready for a smack-down.

Little Red Car spent the night at the spa last night, while a sealant dried on the new oil pan gasket. Maybe this one will last longer than the last. I missed my car. It made me antsy not being able to go outside, get in the car and GO. I finally got her back mid-morning today after I paid a ransom of nearly $600.

This is a big expense month. My car tag is due (not much for a 10-year-old car); my driver's license has to be renewed this month; income taxes are due this week and I am going to have to beg a CPA friend for help. Self employment tax is a bitch. There, I said it. It's especially painful if you don't make much money being self employed. They take a LOT.

On top of that, my health insurance policy expires this month and I have to find a new policy in mere days. My insurance agent hasn't called back since Friday. I'm supposed to go to the doctor on Thursday, but now I will have to reschedule that until I have another policy in hand.

Here's something you might not know about individual health policies, and you NEED to know this: If you make a claim, they will not renew your policy when the term ends. And any claims you file will be treated as a pre-existing condition on your next policy. There you go. They also do not include prescription drug coverage. And it's expensive. It's best to think of this as a hospitalization only policy -- a safety net for disasters only.

Anyway, to put it bluntly I'm pissed at the world tonight. Yes I am.

I don't mind paying money for my car repairs. The car feels new again and they made it pretty with a hand wash and wax. It gleams!

I don't mind paying my fair share of taxes. I just think that half is a little much, considering my total earnings last year were about what I made in a month at my previous job. Maybe two, but that's really stretching it.

Health care costs are starting to scare me, to be honest. I can't say there's anything I don't mind about those.

What's really got me ticked, though, is being disrespected because of what I do. Especially when my whole career can be dismissed by one cruel, casual remark by someone who wasn't thinking.

I just can't say more. I don't know what I would say that would make any difference anyway. It should be enough for me to know my own value and ignorant comments should roll off like water. But they don't.

So watch out. There could be a smack-down yet. We'll see.

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